Comedian Jim Gaffigan has a joke he tells about having his fifth child: “If you want to know what it’s like to have a fifth kid, imagine you are drowning….and someone hands you a baby.” That’s how my wife and I felt when we got the phone call letting us know that our adopted daughter had a sister. We already had a daughter who just turned two and twins who had just turned one and we were drowning. We were overwhelmed and overworked and barely surviving. We had no help, no breaks, no sleep, and no idea how we were even surviving with three children under three years old.
We were drowning. And instead of handing us a lifeline, God handed us another baby.
A reason to trust
I was still trying to get used to telling people I was a father of three, now I had to try to wrap my head around being a father of four. Almost everyone we knew thought we were insane for having three children under three and now we were about to have four children under three.
I understand that may not sound that crazy to some people, after all it can just sound like a lot of numbers. Before I had children I probably would’ve thought the same thing. But now as I write this I have two children who are knee deep into their terrible twos at the same time, I also have a three-nager who just got out of her terrible twos, and I also have a one-year-old who is about to enter her terrible twos.
We went from zero kids to four kids in 27 months. We went from being a couple to being a family of six in less than 800 days.
To add to the difficulty level of those first few years of having children we ended up moving several times. It’s another story for another time but long story short we lived in four different houses in less than two years. My wife and I were also both working full-time and had no childcare. Several times a week we would pass the children off on the side of the road as I finished working the first half of the day and didn’t have time to get home before she had to be at work. It was a crazy time that we look back on and still aren’t quite sure how we made it work.
A girl named Trust
When my twins were born I wrote a post about the naming of our children. I wrote about how we chose a word as their middle name that would be something they could embrace and depend on and attempt to live up to. The process of deciding on what word to use is special to me. I feel the word needs to fit the child. Originally we weren’t sure how long our oldest daughter would be with us, so during the foster process we had several months to decide on her special word. We decided the word Hope was perfect. With my twins we had nine months to get a feel for who they were and what type of personality they had and what their word/name would be. We decided that Mercy and Valor fit them to a T.
With my youngest we essentially had one day to choose her word. But it didn’t matter, I knew immediately what my youngest daughter’s word would be. My youngest would be a girl named trust.
A chance to trust
With my older children the name we chose is for them. It’s a character trait we believe they were born with and at the same time one they will continue to grow into. But with my youngest I had the feeling the name might be for us as much as it is for her.
There’s a level of trust you have to have when you are drowning and God hands you a baby.
When we go out in public people always want to know how we have so many children who could be the same age but aren’t. Then the next question is always “why?”
Why would we take in a foster child as our first child? Why would we adopt a child before getting pregnant ourselves? Why adopt another child after giving birth to twins? Why not be more self-centered? Why not be more hesitant? Why choose to have so much trust?
I think the answer might be the question. I like that people try to figure out what’s going on when they see our family. I like that people to want to hear our story. I like that our trust causes people to question why.
I believe God gives all of us opportunities to trust. I’ve written before about how I don’t believe anything great will ever happen inside your comfort zone. I’ve also written about how nothing great is accomplished without some level of risk. I’ve written about perseverance and patience and being steadfast and all of those things involve some level of trust.
I’m all about living a big life and trying to change the world. I think everyone should be. Look around you right now, I guarantee there’s an opportunity to change a life, and in doing so an opportunity to change the world. All it’s going to take is a good amount of hope and a touch of mercy and a strong dose of valor.
And a little bit of trust.
