Recently everyone in Hawaii got a message on their phone.
The message looked like this:
:
Fortunately it was a false alarm. But the people of Hawaii didn’t know that for 38 minutes.
The false alarm and the idea of having 38 minutes to live sparked a lot of interesting conversations for me afterwards. Conversations regarding what I would do if I received a message like that.
Do you know what you would do?
The threat of imminent death polarizes things for people. It makes people decide what is important and it strips away the trivial. The conversations I had were interesting and the viewpoints were vast. From funny to sincere. But it got me thinking; what would I do if I had 38 minutes to live?
It’s an interesting question because I lost my father several years ago. Losing a parent makes you think. It makes you think about what you would want your children to remember if you were suddenly gone. I have heard that sometimes soldiers will write letters to be given to their families in case they don’t make it back.
So I decided if I had 38 minutes to live, I would write 4 letters.
One of which would be to my daughter.
It might go something like this:
Dear daughter,
I’m sorry.
I sorry I won’t be there for the big moments in your life. I’m sorry I won’t be there for your wedding or to meet your children. I sorry I won’t be there for your graduation or your big promotion. I sorry I won’t be there for your first heartbreak and for your first dance. I’m sorry. But sometimes God has other plans. Ones too big for us to see. So when you get lonely, remember me.
Remember how daddy held you in the hospital. Remember how daddy sang to you and you danced with joy because daddy can’t sing. Remember how daddy read to you every night. Remember my voice. Remember getting “too many kisses” and let those hold you until we see each other again. And when you remember, be strong.
I love you.
I love you with everything I am. I have since the moment I walked into the hospital and picked up my 10 day old daughter. Just because I’m gone doesn’t mean my love is. So when you feel unloved or unlovable, remember me.
Remember how your mommy and daddy chose you specifically to be our daughter. Remember that you are my favorite little girl in the whole big world. Please always remember how much I love you. Too much for words to say. Too much for death to take away.
Don’t settle.
There will be times in your life when you get tired of waiting. And you will want to take something that is less than what you deserve just so you can have it immediately. Please don’t. Good things are worth the wait, and things you settle for rarely are. So when you think you can’t wait any longer, remember me.
Remember how your mommy and daddy waited for you. Remember that you are worth all of my love and so much more. Remember how I treated you and don’t settle for being treated any less than that. Learn to wait. Everything worth having is worth having patience. Remember my boundless love and stay strong. Don’t settle for anything less than the love I have for you. Anything less than that isn’t worth you.
Be brave.
In the end there isn’t much God asks of us. But he does ask us to have faith. He asks us to be brave. You’ll have to be extra brave since I won’t be there to be brave for you. So you’ll have to be brave enough for both of us. Life is scary, but to accomplish anything great you’ll have to be a little uncomfortable and a little scared.
So when you feel scared, remember me.
Remember how strong daddy had to be for you when he was scared to death he was going to lose you. Remember how much faith daddy had to have for you to be his. Remember how God planned the whole time for you to be mine. Remember that and you’ll be strong enough to handle anything. I promise.
Don’t lose hope.
Hope. That’s our thing. It is the one thing daddy wanted to give to you. It is one thing you gave back to your dad every day. Hope is our lifeblood. But life will get hard. And sometimes hope will be hard to find. So if you ever start to lose hope, remember me.
Remember how much hope daddy had to have for him to prepare for you before you were even born. Remember how much hope daddy had while waiting for that phone call to ask him if he wanted a daughter. When you start to lose hope just remember the one thing daddy gave you. Remember your name. Remember hope. And no matter what else you may lose, don’t ever lose hope.
I love you.
And I’ll see you again soon.
Love,
Daddy
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Here’s where it gets tricky. Because sometimes it’s easier to write a letter (or a blog) than it is to put what you are writing about into practice. So my job is to live everyday as if I actually believe all the words in the letter I would write to my daughter. I have to live so that if I were to suddenly die, she would believe what I wrote her.
.
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P.S. The reason I post things about parenting that I would probably rather keep personal is because I think there is a lack of strong fathers in the world. It seems like there are many wonderful mothers out there who do a great job parenting but unfortunately it also seems as if great fathers are more rare. The problem is that on one hand society earnestly desires good fathers but then belittles the role on the other. Nature cries for strong men while Homer Simpson tells you that being a moron is ok. Oftentimes men struggle to find the correct balance between being strong and being gentle. Unfortunately, culture tells men that prioritizing being a loving father will make them less manly. It tells men that they have to sacrifice their strength and freedom to be quality fathers. I’m here to tell you differently.
