Some time ago I came across a list of the most stressful and traumatic events that can happen in a person’s life. Among the top items on the list were a) moving and b) the loss of a close family member. Recently I was thinking over the last eight years of my life and I paused to list a few events.
The list looked like this:
2010 my grandfather died (my hero)
2010 I moved from Tennessee to California
2011 my father died (my other hero)
2013 my grandmother died
2014 I moved across town
2016 we lost a son
2017 we moved
2017 we moved again (twice in one year)
2018 we moved yet again (three times in less than a year and a half)
Needless to say, it’s been a rough eight years.
Which leaves me with a couple of questions and a few thoughts.
Question one: Does difficulty rule out happiness?
No. My life is tough, but I’m happy. Which is a strange dichotomy when I think about it. You would think I would be unhappy because of all the traumatic and stressful things life has sent my way over the last eight trips around the sun. But I can honestly say I’m a happy person.
Question two: How do you find happiness in difficulty?
First let me say that I think there is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is usually found in your circumstances while you can have joy despite your circumstances. Happiness comes and goes but joy is deeper. But sometimes joy can lead to happiness. So how do you find joy? I think having joy can be directly related to having a purpose.
Thought one: Purpose comes from something bigger than you.
Joyful people have a purpose that’s bigger than themselves. That sounds counterintuitive. You would think the happiest people would be the humans who focus on themselves and their own happiness, but that’s not what you usually find. You find that the happiest and most joyful people are the ones who focus on a purpose outside of themselves. Conversely you find that the people who focus the most on themselves are usually the most unhappy people you will ever meet.
If you are unhappy, check the purpose of your life.
Thought two: If you want to be steady, you have to anchor yourself to something steadier than yourself.
All of us have seen a drunk person tying to walk. It’s not pretty. There is usually a lot of stumbling and swaying as the person who has imbibed too much tries to walk correctly. When they find that too difficult and begin to fall, what do they do? They grab for something (or someone) steady. Two drunk people rarely make for solid traveling companions.
Like it or not, when life shakes you up it takes something bigger than you to steady you. The people who fall are the people who have no one (or no thing) to anchor themselves to. Sometimes that means a friend or family member, but I’ve found that in the storms of life, that usually means the “big guy” upstairs.
Thought three: Find your purpose and then go all in.
In the same way that a half-lived life won’t bring happiness, a half-hearted purpose is no purpose at all. Once you find your purpose, go all in. Why live life half-way? If your purpose is going to give your life meaning and meaning is going to bring your life joy, then why choose a small purpose? Why waste time wasting time?
Find your purpose. Go all in.
Hopefully you won’t lose four close family members and move five times in eight years, but if you do, you should at least know how to be happy while you are sad.
