Six years ago today my father died. Five years ago today I met the girl who is now my wife. Three years ago today I married her.
A lot has happened in the last six years. A whole lot has happened in the last three. And the last year has been unbelievable.
It’s also been rough.
The challenge
The last year has been the toughest of our marriage. Not for our marriage. Our relationship is stronger than it has ever been. But circumstances have made this year really tough for us. We’ve been though a lot of challenges. We lost a son. We relocated three times. We’ve been through heartache and heartbreak. Through the unknown and the unsafe.
It’s been a challenging year.
But it’s also been a life-changing one. We’ve been heartbroken but we’ve also found joy. We lost a son but we (hopefully permanently) gained a daughter. We’ve set up life in the scary realm of the unknown where my wife has launched a product line and I have a novel being published in November. All told this year has been one of the most challenging times of my life (and continues to be), but my wife and I have also been able to give and love and share in ways I never would have imagined.
Insta-perfect
Are there ever people you don’t quite believe on Instagram? There are for me. Everyone looks perfect on Instagram. Everyone looks like they have the perfect life. But the truth is you can’t filter life. Life is tough. And if you are trying to make a difference in the world it’s tougher. And the bigger difference you try to make, the tougher life gets. That’s a fact.
That’s one of the reasons I share personal stories and issues on my blog, so others can be encouraged. The truth is, life is supposed to be done in tandem. Life is a group sport. That is one thing that has always been hard for me to grasp, because I’m a solitary and self-sustaining creature by nature. But more and more I am realizing I need people around me. And the main person I need is my wife.
I think it’s important to speak well of my wife on social media. But no matter how perfect a relationship looks on Instagram, there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Ours included. Our relationship isn’t perfect because I’m not perfect. My wife and I both have a long way to go and a long time to grow.
The choice
Shortly after I got married I wrote an article about waiting for sex until I got married. And I got a lot of positive feedback. But (as is bound to happen on the internet) several people emailed or posted very negative things about me and the article. I have since learned not to read most of the negative feedback, but one of the things that was said stuck with me. Someone posted a lengthy discourse on the stupidity of me waiting and they ended it with: “just wait until you’ve been married a few years and see how you feel. You will reconsider and change your mind.”
And they were right, I have reconsidered. I reconsider my choices occasionally, looking to see if I need to change course. But they were also wrong, because every time I reconsider I arrive at the same conclusion. There is one choice that I have never doubted for a single second. And that is my wife.
Let’s dance
In my blogs I usually like to tell a short story and try to draw a little moral from it. But this post doesn’t really have a story and I don’t really have a moral for you. I just wanted to take a moment to pay tribute to my wife on our third anniversary. She is the best of us.
It occurs to me that to be in love with someone is to give them the power to completely destroy you. Complete love is when they return your love, not just unbroken, but better than it was before. My wife has made my heart better than it was before.
We have an anniversary tradition: No matter what else we have planned, when evening comes I pull up iTunes and cue up two songs: the songs from the first and last dance at our wedding. And each year, no matter where we are, we dance to them once more.
So, put your adventure shoes on, sweetie, and grab your shield of faith…cause here we go again…another year, another adventure…
May I have this dance?
