There aren’t many jobs where you get most of your credit just for showing up, but fatherhood may be one of them.
My wife and I have spent the last three years navigating the world of fostering and adoption so I’ve gotten to see a lot of families at their best and their worst. We spend a lot of our time in hospitals and doctors offices for child psychology appointments and high risk evaluations and it’s an unfortunate truth that seeing a father in those environments is rare. And seeing a father who is engaged and involved is basically nonexistent.
You should see the faces of the doctors and nurses and social workers when I show up with my wife and our baby. And even more so, the surprise when I kiss or interact with the baby. I automatically become something of a hero. Just for showing up.
Someone special
It’s amazing to me how much of a difference a dad can make in a child’s life. I’ve always said mothers are the most important of the two parenting jobs because they create life. They teach little humans how to be human. But there is no power in the world that can send a child’s life in the right direction like a father. And there is no power in the world that can send a child in the wrong direction like a father–or sometimes the lack thereof.
When I was young my mother had an embroidered picture that hung on the wall in our dining room. I always thought the little saying stitched over the picture of a mountain stream sounded cool, but I never really understood what it meant. It boldly stated, any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy.
Now, years later, as a father, I understand the message that picture was trying to tell me. (I know, but better late than never, right?)
Someone present
It isn’t a rich or poor thing. It isn’t an age or race thing. I know fathers from all walks of life: I know rich fathers who have never been alone with their own children and rich fathers who ignore some of their kids but embrace others. And I know poor fathers who do the same. I know families with only fathers and families with none. I have lots of respect for anyone raising a family outside the traditional structure.
I would never discredit a man who is doing his best as a father. Lots of men are doing the best they can with the situation they have. And some men are doing the best they can given the example they were left with themselves.
I haven’t even been a dad for a full year yet so there’s far more I don’t know about fatherhood than there is that I do know. But the one thing I have figured out is this: showing up is most of the battle. The active presence of a dad in a child’s life is far more important than doing everything correctly.
Someone important
If you are a father, your job is far more important than you probably know. One of the greatest needs in the world is men who will stand in the gap between a world hell-bent on destruction and families that desperately need them to be there. It takes a strong man to put himself in that gap for his children. And an even stronger man to fill the gap for another man’s child. One of the most important things in every child’s life is finding the answer to the question of which person will be willing to stand in that gap for them. I know from experience. My father was one of the good ones.
I understand that not everyone has the privilege of building on a good foundation that men who have come before them have built, but every father has the opportunity to start a strong foundation for their children to one day build on.
Someone rare
So I just want to say to all the fathers out there…good job, I guess. My mom’s embroidered picture was right, you’ve really only done what any male can do.
But to all the daddies out there…you are doing a job no one else can do. Respect.
