My life has never looked like the traditional idea of what a life should look like. Honestly, it’s probably partially the fault of my father. At a time when a normal family was a husband and wife and 1.5 children, my father had 8 kids. So I guess I should blame it on him, he started it.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I grew up in the south, and in the south when you aren’t married by twenty-three people start looking at you funny. So I got a lot of funny looks. In my mid-twenties all my friends were already married and working on upgrading out of their starter house and getting a nicer car but not me, I was still constantly talking about moving to California.
At twenty-eight, while everyone around me was getting settled into their career job and working on something called retirement, I quit a job with full benefits for a job that only existed in my head. Then there was the sex thing. Most people start having sex in their teens; I waited until I was thirty-two.
By thirty I still wasn’t married, so I was pretty firmly established as the weird guy who was so afraid of commitment that he quit everything and left town. Meanwhile my friends were working on their second or third kid.
I got married at thirty-two and instead of doing the “normal” thing and trying for a biological child, my wife and I immediately started the process of trying to adopt a child out of the foster system. Two months after we got married we started foster classes and by doing so sent our family building down a non-traditional path.
So while most people clutch for safety like a life-preserver; I appeared to be allergic to stability.
I took the one less traveled by,
Most young people have big plans about getting married early and then having a couple of kids they hope look like little versions of them and their spouse. They work hard to establish a career and a retirement account. They grind everyday to upgrade their car every couple of years and move to a better part of town every five to ten.
Now, just to be clear, there is nothing wrong with any of those things. In fact, they are all wonderful. But this post isn’t for those people. This post is for the people whose life doesn’t look like that.
This post is for people in their thirties and forties who haven’t settled for a loser in their love life because they are still waiting for the right person. This post is for the people who still aren’t sure what their vocation is and who don’t have a savings account. This post is for the single parents, and the hustlers working two jobs to survive, and the people who are starting over around the time they thought they would be hitting the home stretch.
This post is to tell those people that it’s alright. Traditional isn’t for everyone. It certainly isn’t for me. I live in the most transient town on earth, in a temporary house, with what could well be a temporary child (God forbid). I work three jobs and all of them are temporary enough to be covered under the title of self-employed. My life isn’t traditional. Sometimes by choice and sometimes by circumstances.
And that is alright.
This post is to encourage people like me, whose life doesn’t look the way their parents or their college advisor or their friends think it should look. This post is to encourage people whose life might not even look the way they think it should look.
Everyone has their own path to take. You shouldn’t judge other people by your definition of the correct path. And you shouldn’t let other people judge you by theirs.
And that has made all the difference.
I often find the Bible encouraging, so I usually turn to it for wisdom on life. Paul wrote these pieces of advice gold in first Corinthians (The Message) and they are great for anyone, but especially anyone on the non-traditional road:
Keep your eyes open,
Just because your path doesn’t look like someone else’s path doesn’t mean you can’t learn from them. Be alert. Stay watchful. Be on your guard. But keep learning.
Keep your eyes open.
hold tight to your convictions,
When your convictions take you away from the beaten path at some point you will find yourself in the weeds. Hold strong to what you know when the going gets tough.
Hold on tight. Don’t give up the ship.
give it all you’ve got,
An unusual life doesn’t mean a lazy life. Non-traditional doesn’t mean unfocused. Nor does it mean purposeless. In fact, it might mean you have to work harder for what you want than someone who took the beaten path. That’s ok, always give it all you’ve got.
be resolute,
Resolute –adjective. Firmly resolved or determined; set in purpose or opinion. Characterized by firmness and determination. As in BE RESOLUTE.
and love without stopping.
There’s not much I can add to that. Nor do I need to.
