Humans were created to be relationship creatures. We were created to be in groups and to interact with each other. But there is a balance in relating to other humans. There can be power that comes from not fitting in. There is freedom in being uncool. Let me explain what I mean with a couple of stories from my own experience.

Story 1: Say it loud

When I was in High-school I was at a theme park with a group of guys that made up the “cool crowd.” They were the guys in high-school who knew everyone and everyone knew them. This was the group everyone wanted to be a part of. Now, the first thing you need to know is that I wasn’t a member of this cool crowd. In fact I wasn’t even remotely cool at all. I was usually the guy sitting by himself. I just happened to be hanging out with a guy who was on the fringe of the crowd. He was really only a part-time member himself and that was only because he was friends with a “cool club” member. But I happened to be hanging out with this guy when the cool group met up with us. It was my first big chance to tag along with the in-crowd. It was my first big audition.

It lasted all of three minutes.

A couple of minutes after I joined the group we were walking along and one of the guys decided it would be fun to yell as loudly as he could every time he walked past a stranger. For the record, he wasn’t yelling at them, nor was he harming anyone, it was just one of those inane things kids do for fun. Pretty soon everyone in the group was doing it. Except me. I thought it was stupid. I didn’t want to yell and I definitely wasn’t going to do so because everyone else was doing it, cool kids or not.

That is the moment my in-crowd experience went sideways. One of the leaders of the group noticed I wasn’t yelling. He turned to me and said, “If you want to keep hanging out with us you have to yell.”

Long story short, one minute later I was hanging out by myself.

 

The truth is I’ve been averse to being “cool” as long as I can remember. The worst way to get me to do something is to tell me “everyone is doing it.”

Let me explain with one more story.

Story 2: Sock it to ya

I was homeschooled in elementary school. I had lots of neighborhood friends but being homeschooled meant I was unable to keep up with whatever trends came along. I was behind the curve of cool. But I had a good friend who looked out for me. He would come home from school each day and tell my brother and I what trends all the kids at school were into so we wouldn’t be left behind. He wanted to make sure we always fit in.

One day my friend came home and told us that all the kids were rolling their tube socks down to their ankles instead of pulling them up mid-shin. As much as I appreciated my friend looking out for me I had no interest in being cool. I liked my socks pulled up, just as I had liked them the day before and the week before. I saw no reason to change just because everyone else was. Also, as previously mentioned, the fact that everyone was doing it was actually a reason for me not to. So I kept my socks pulled up.

But my friend and brother were very worried about me and my inability to fit in. So they tried to hold me down and roll my socks down for me so I wouldn’t get made fun of for not being cool. That day I fought against being cool. Literally. I got into a physical altercation to make sure I didn’t do what everyone else was doing.

 

In my mind when I hear “cool” or “in-crowd” or “fit in” I think “normal.” And my greatest fear in life is being normal. But I understand not everyone is wired that way. Some people have a very strong desire to fit in. And there is nothing wrong with that desire. As social creatures sometimes it’s very important to fit in.

But other times the desire to fit in can lead us down a poor path or lead us to make poor choices. It’s not just a teenage thing either. Many adults haven’t developed the strength to stand on their own at work or in life.

I’m not promoting being an outcast from society or ignoring societal norms. But I do think people should be comfortable with their own version of cool.

Here are 4 reasons I think it’s cool to be uncool

  1. People who try too hard to fit in rarely stand out.
  2. People who spend all their time trying to be cool don’t have enough time to develop their own cool.
  3. People who can’t act without the crowd often can’t stand alone at times when it’s important to do so.
  4. People who constantly try to follow the crowd will constantly be insecure that they aren’t following correctly.

Here are 4 strengths that come from being uncool

  1. There is freedom to grow and explore that comes from not caring about being cool.
  2. There is mental strength and power to act that comes from not caring about fitting in.
  3. If you can be secure and confident in yourself, what others think of you will matter less.
  4. Leaders are not afraid to stand out from the crowd.

 

Final thought: don’t chase the standard of cool society has set up, instead make your own cool.

Don’t be afraid to be you.