Halloween. The one day of the year when people can dress up and pretend to be someone or something else. The one holiday when your imagination is the only limit to who you can pretend to be. It’s the one day when women can dress sexy, men can imagine they look like Leonidas, and kids can pretend to be superheroes.

Or it was. But the list of costumes you can wear without offending anyone is getting shorter and shorter. But don’t worry, I have your back. I have a few ideas for how to enjoy the Devil’s favorite holiday without offending anyone.

1. Dress up as a tree or some other type of plant

Sure, dressing up as foliage has the emotional excitement of a kindergarten play, but at least you won’t be offending anyone. I’m pretty sure plants don’t have feelings (you may want to check with a vegetarian), so you should be good. No one could possibly be offended by living vegetables. Except maybe vegans. But they’ll be even more offended when you eat the beef sliders at the party, so go for it.

2. Dress up as yourself

It’s the perfect plan. Dress up as yourself and spend the entire party making jokes at your own expense. No one can be offended except you. Well, you and the people who wonder why you didn’t dress up and who don’t get your self-deprecating jokes. You might have to throw your own party with this one.

3. Dress up as Harry Potter

No one is offended by Harry Potter. Except Christians. And Brits. And people who saw the first movie. And actual wizards.

4. Dress up as Y2K

Y2K is the one global crisis you can pretend to be and no one can get upset. Because you never actually happened. Plus no one under the age of 25 will know what you are, and those kids are the most overly sensitive people on the planet.

5. Don’t go to a party

Or trick-or-treating. Or outside. Or turn on your TV. Or turn your porch light on. Or leave your porch light off. Or pass out candy. Or pass out healthy snacks. Or talk.
There, see? You are totally inoffensive.

6. Loosen up

That’s it. Loosen up and enjoy the holiday.

Several years ago I went to a Halloween party at a friend’s house. One of my other friends showed up to the party dressed as me. Or actually as a caricature of me. I was the joke of the night.

My friend got into full character. He made fun of my mannerisms and my idiosyncrasies. He wore a wig and chewed gum and made jokes at my expense while everyone laughed. He responded to people with my phrases and other stupid things that sounded like something I would say and everyone laughed. He followed me around and mimicked me to the total enjoyment of everyone.

His costume was masterful (and so well planned that it even made fun of the costume I had on). His jokes were on point. His timing was perfect. His jabs were well-aimed and (mostly) true. And I have never had more fun at a Halloween party.

Everyone laughed at me (and at the other me) but no one laughed at me (and other me) more than me. It was all good-natured fun and I totally enjoyed seeing everyone laugh that much (even at my expense).

I understand (and agree) that there are some lines that shouldn’t be crossed (so don’t cross them). And you should never dress as something in order to hurt someone’s feelings. As a culture we should always be sensitive to others.

But Halloween is also a time to enjoy other cultures and explore our differences. It’s a time to embrace something or someone who you couldn’t normally be. It’s a time to use your imagination. So let’s loosen up a little bit. Let’s stop being so sensitive that we think others are always making fun of us. Let’s enjoy our differences each and every day. Halloween seems like it could be the perfect day to start.

Happy Halloween! /Happy Harvest Festival Day! (for those offended by Halloween)