The curse
I’m about to share something that has always been personal to me. Something that I rarely share and that most people don’t know about me.
I was born with a medical condition in both feet called a tarsal coalition. In laymen terms that means that instead of having a free moving ankle joint the bones in my ankle rub together, limiting mobility and causing inflammation. Which means I am in some level of pain all of the time. Sometimes the level of pain is manageable while at other times it verges on unbearable.
When I was in high-school I had surgery in an attempt to fix the problem and was even in a wheelchair for a while. But the surgery didn’t work and the pain has only gotten worse through the years. There are many nights when I cannot even walk. And I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve had to crawl to the restroom on my hands and knees like a child. I cannot begin to explain how humbling, aggravating, and embarrassing not being able to walk to the restroom is. But that’s part of the mental pain that comes along with the physical pain.
Despite the extreme pain, I still like to play sports. But I always have to count the cost before playing because I know the pain that I will be in while playing and the worse pain I will have for the days that follow. But I made a choice when I was younger to try not to let my pain make decisions for me.
Like I said, this chronic pain is something I don’t usually talk about. Some of my friends don’t even know about it or about how bad it actually is most of the time. I do my best not to limp when I walk and I don’t like to complain about it. I still hesitate to share because it’s my burden to deal with and not anyone else’s. But I decided to do so in order to possibly help change someone else’s perspective on their own burden.
The blessing
Truth is often seen in retrospect better than it can be seen head on. And it is a common truth that blessings can be found in curses. Good things can come out of bad things. Without getting too philosophical I would like to talk about that for a moment.
As much as I hate the fact that I am in constant pain, and as much as I hate the fact that it’s something I have to deal with daily; looking back I can see that I wouldn’t be the same person without the constant pain.
Let me explain.
Because of the chronic pain I have a very high pain tolerance. In the gym I’ve never cared about how badly it hurt to exercise, how heavy a weight was, or how much pain an extra rep caused me. I have been able to work very hard in the gym because I am able to keep going through pain that would sometimes sideline others. This is partly because of the fact that I am in constant pain already so the prospect of more pain holds very little power over me.
It recently occurred to me that I might not be a fitness model if I didn’t have a medical problem in my ankles. The fact is that the discipline of handling the chronic pain has provided discipline in other areas of my life as well. Both physically and mentally.
Another example of getting a blessing from a burden is that I waited to have sex until I was married (and I didn’t get married until I was 32). I shared about that part of my story with my friends at Goodguyswag.com (If you would like to read that click here). Making myself wait that long for something I wanted built discipline and self-control in the same way that learning to be mentally strong enough to handle pain made me mentally stronger in other areas.
The point is that every time you come across something that is a “curse” in your life you have the opportunity to find the good in that thing. There is probably a blessing hiding out in your burden somewhere. Finding it won’t take away the pain and it probably won’t even make it more bearable. But if you can find it then you can appreciate it for what it has made you into. And maybe you can use that part of your “curse” to make yourself into something better than you would be without it.
Like the song says, every rose has its thorn. But the converse is also true; if you look hard enough among the thorns you can usually find a rose.
